Response to "Once in a Lifetime"

This is a beautiful story by Jhumpa Lahiri. The main character of this story is a young girl named Hema.  When the story begins she is six years old, but most of the story takes place when she is around thirteen.  The story is told in first person, but she is addressing one of the other characters in the story, named Kaushik.  When she is six and Kaushik is nine, her family throws Kaushik's family a going away party.  They move back to India from Cambridge.  But after about seven or eight years, Kaushik's family moves back and stays with Hema's family.  They seem to be very American and materialistic.  They don't have very good manners, especially compared to the very traditional habits of Hema's family.  Kaushik in particular seems to be very distant and ungrateful for the hospitality he is shown.  The whole conflict of the story seems to be trying to understand why he acts that way and what will happen to the growing tension between the families.  When it snows at the house, Kaushik shows some happiness and opens up to Hema a bit.  He reveals to her that his mother is dying of breast cancer, and that is why they moved back and she is living sort of like royalty.  Hema is terrified that a dying person is living in her house.  She is not used to the idea of death.  I believe this new knowledge of death is a farewell to the shelter of her childhood.

I get the idea that the narrator never talked to Kaushik again.  I think that the fact that she address him in the story is a very interesting method to use.  Kaushik's mother's cancer was a secret and Hema always kept the secret.  If she were to tell this story in any other fashion she would be breaking her promise to keep it secret.

The was no particular desire of the main character, except to gain the affections of Kaushik which I think was weak, but it worked with all the conflict going on.  I liked how she didn't reveal much about it except what the parents talked about at night.  When you're young you don't really know the details of the drama that goes on with your parents unless you catch glimpses of it like that.

Response to "meow"

Another great story, Cary. This story is about a kid named Cyril. He seems like he is slightly mentally disabled or just absolutely socially awkward in the most intense way.  The story starts as he is in some girls apartment reading her journal.  He is caught and quickly escorted out by her roommate.  He then makes his way over to Captain D's where two of his only friends are, Earl and Jimmy-cat.  After hanging out with Earl for a bit they decide to feed Jimmy-cat some fish like they usually do.  When Cyril goes to find Jimmy-cat in the dumpster area, he sees a very graphic scene. At first, it seemed to me like the cat was dead, but she had really had kittens. 

Cary, you have a lot of things going for you in this story. The character Cyril is really interesting to me. I like how awkward and kind of creepy he is.  I can tell that he has a good heart but is slightly unstable at the same time.  I like his modest interactions with people and his simple way of thinking.  The scenes in this story are really cool too.  How he breaks in to a girl's apartment to chill in her bedroom and how he finds his stray/pet cat having kittens and not really understanding it at first. 

I don't really understand how these two scenes connect. Cyril doesn't seem to have any motives in the story and just floats through. Although the scenes that you wrote are really interesting and cool, I didn't find any meaning in them. But I know you're great writer though and there's something there. I think you should just try and develop it and show it more. I would also look back on some of the dialogue. It felt a little cliche in certain places or maybe unnatural. For instance, when Cyril is talking to Earl and asks him why he smokes.  Earl's response seemed really cliche for some reason. Also, I would think of a different name.  I think "Meow" works, but I think you could come up with something better.  Other than that, I really think you've got some good ideas to work with. 

Response to "Perfect"

This story is about a girl who has decided to be extroverted and fun upon entering college, but really just seems sort of insane.  The conflict seems to be the fact that no one likes this girl.  Reading this story is like watching her life spiral downwards.  It's pretty painful and awesome. The narration of the story is told from the third person perspective.  You can tell that the narrator is biased towards the main character.  The interactions are really funny and interesting.  The main character has bad hygene and is over-eager to talk to guys.  She really hates other girls, especially her former best friend, Darcy.  By the end of the downward spiral of the story, the main character sees that she has been acting absolutely nuts and wants to go back to being her former self.  She invites Darcy over to patch things up.  This sounds like a classic college story of that one girl that goes crazy.

I think this is a great subject choice!  I really liked the awkward conversations that came from this story.  I especially liked how when people would walk away from the main character, she would assume they were jealous or to blown away by her natural beauty.  She couldn't accept that people were just weirded out by her.  I liked the small details you brought to the table such as how she is failing college, her inability to help others in her group because of talking and laughing, her talk with her concerned mother, etc.

I think this story is missing something.  I feel like the main character, although she is acting crazy and probably looks a bit gross, should have some other flaws.  In the story, people are avoiding her so much, and I don't feel like people are that cold.  I feel like some people would be polite and let her craziness slide just to avoid an awkward situation.  I would suggestion making her a rabid alcoholic, but not really mention it too much.  Just casually say something about her water bottle she filled with vodka because it helps her be more outgoing.  That would make it more tragic and believable to me.

Response to "Cats"

Rhamah, I really like your writing style.  Great story.  This story seems to follow a main character who is the narrator and works at an animal shelter, particularly one for cats.  One day a family comes in to possibly buy a cat.  The family consists of a father, mother, and daughter.  They do not seem like the type of people who would even like a cat, especially the mother.  The daughter picks out a cat but can't get it.  The father doesn't like that it has only one eye. The owner really tries to sell a cat to the family. The main character seems to dislike the owner.  The owner comes off as a salesman (saleswoman I guess I should say) to me.  She doesn't care about where the cats go, just as long as she can get rid of them.  I feel like the narrator picks up on this after the owner, or the Cat Lady, says that the visitors who didn't take any cats would have provided a good home: "No, they wouldn’t, I want to say to her. They would have hated a cat. The man with his wrinkled nose and the woman with her fear of hair and the little girl with no respect for claws or lost eyes would have hated any cat, even one as perfect for a family as Lily."  Lily is an unusually friendly cat that the narrator seems to be fond of.  When a young man, about fourteen, walks into the shelter, he comments that he's looking for a cat that could get along with a dog.  Lily used to live with dogs so the narrator invites the boy to look at her.  Lily acts out of character for a moment and bites the boy.  The boy is deterred from buying the cat and asks about the kittens that were brought in at the beginning of the story, and is even willing to wait until they are healthy enough to be given away.  To me this story seems to say something about the imperfections of people.

I like the way you write Rhamah.  The dialogue seemed great and your descriptions were mostly clear and invited my attention.  I like the idea of peering into what it is like to work at animal shelter like this.  It is an opportunity to say a lot about people's unachievable standards for others or for the feeling of rejection and loneliness.

I don't really understand the wants of any particular character, though.  I feel like the plot is weak as a result of a clear path.  I think you should work on the relationship between conflict and desires of the main character or any character.

Response to "Incarnations of Burned Children"

I've read this story for a few other classes and am still blown away by its strength.  The story is about these parents trying to give first aid and console their child.  The story is filled with urgency from the very beginning.  I think David Foster Wallace does a great job in the content of describing the urgency.  Also, I think the way the story is actually written attests to the urgency within the story.  For example, the whole story is literally one big paragraph.  The sentences within this paragraph are very long and full of action.  They describe the thoughts that race through the mind of the father and assist his urgency in fixing the problem.  

The pont of view is interesting.  I feel like this story would be a good story if it were told from the point of view of the father or mother, but it would not accomplish the same things that this version does.  The third person perspective is able to view the scene as a whole and separate the reader from it at random moments.  For instance, during the chaos the narrator breaks from the scene for a sentence to describe "a bird in the oak across the driving" watching the door hanging by a hinge. 

The outcome of the child's fate is a little unclear.  I interpreted it as the child losing his childhood.  He doesn't die, because his "body expanded and walked about and drew pay and lived its life untenanted..." I do think however, that the innocence was taken from the child.

The shortest sentence in the story is a strong summary of what this is about: "If you've never wept and want to, have a child."  The fact that as you raise a child he or she will experience pain in some way is a crushing realization.  

Response to "The summer of Lemon Drops"

Great story, Nate.  This is a story about a guy who gets sentenced to community service for, from what I can tell, being drunk.  He doesn't reveal his name, but the guy he works with, John, calls him "college boy."  After his confrontation with a sort of manly female police officer, college boy goes to Florida to do his community Florida instead of going to New York for an internship he had his heart set on.  College boy describes in good detail what his job entails and his daily routine basically.  One day, while digging, he discovers a wooden chest with a not attached to it.  The note is in German.  John guesses that it is treasure and sure enough there is gold in it.  After daydreaming about their plans, John reveals that it's just lead with gold paint.

I think this is a cool idea.  It seems like you know a lot about the type of work that college boy is forced to do.  I liked how you were able to go into detail about that stuff.  It was really believable and added to the story.  I liked the relationship you created between John and the narrator.  I know some guys that remind me of John and you did a great job bringing out that content, older character.

I do think there are some things that are missing from this story, however.  I think the story lacks the conflict that it needs, and I'm not really sure what the character wants, either.  I feel like once you figure out the wants of the character, the conflict will be easy to come up with.  I think you could do something with the relationship between John and the narrator to cause conflict.  Maybe John could be a drunk, abusive, etc.  Maybe instead of there being a treasure chest, have some other type of incident that happens with John that is really crazy.  I feel like that would create a lot of change in the narrator.  Also, I don't really see where lemon drops play into the story.  Maybe you can work with that symbolism a little more.

Response to "Animals"

Another great story, Adam.  To me this story is about a guy, who isn't named, who is obsessed with being rebellious.  He tends to really stress the fact that he is a twisted, troubled criminal, but that he is good at what he does.  I think he is very untrustworthy for his stories, but that makes me really love him.  His girlfriend plays a large role in his life.  He loves her almost as much as his "dangerous" lifestyle and is obsessed with bringing out her primal, animalistic spirit.  He immediately feels guilty after he reaction to his efforts backfire.  It almost seems like he was looking for confirmation that he was heroic or interesting since he was a thief.  She reacted in a way that did not support that and he felt sort of dumb.  After the death of his sister and his spiral into depression, she turns the corner and becomes the type of person he always wanted her to be.  At the point where she is "corrupted," our main character is not happy, but guilty that he has tainted someone like her. 

I really liked the unreliability of the narrator.  There was one point where he mentioned something about curb stomping someone.  I definitely think that he was lying or exaggerating at best.  I like how that made him.  As usual, your imagery is really powerful.  I liked especially when you were talking about the seed and the vine when it came to innocent girls.  

One of the only things I would really suggest for this is to add more dialogue.  The whole thing is being told, and I think there is something to be said about that.  The voice is really made known in that.  However, I think that the use of dialogue in certain instances would add to the weight of the story.  For instance, when he brings the jacket to Jenny.  That would be great dialogue.  I definitely think you should still put more weight on the voice, though.  Just add in some dialogue to keep it fresh and add to the intensity.