Thursday, April 5, 2012

Response to "Aveux"

This story is about a guy named Vince who is dealing with a lot of issues.  His wife committed suicide years before, and he was so torn up, he could only confide in the love he had for his daughter and his dog, Shadow.  He eventually started having an affair with a lady named Erica.  He explains to her that he doesn't believe God cares about him or anything.  God and love are fairy tales. Erica eventually commits suicide and Vince is arrested for it.  He goes to jail, gets out, and writes a self help book. The daughter points out that his book is contradictory to the Bible.  After feeling guilty, he suggests they move and start over, leaving his aged dog behind.  He then realizes that God is faithful to show his love to us.

I liked the idea of this story.  I think it was cool that he was framed for a murder that was really a suicide that resulted from his insecurities and insensitivity.  I think his secludedness and apathy were believable considering all the trouble he went through.  I think the dialogue really pushed the story along without being too obvious.

I think this story was a little bit too busy though.  There was so many things that happened, but they were summed up so it was hard to see the conflict. I think your story would be better if you focused on one or two of the things that happen.  If it were me, I would start the story with him getting out of jail and deciding to write his self help novel.  Then, focus on the conflict with the church, his daughter, and the praise from the media.  The fact is, all the details you have are the makings of a full novel, not a short story.

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