Another great story, Adam. To me this story is about a guy, who isn't named, who is obsessed with being rebellious. He tends to really stress the fact that he is a twisted, troubled criminal, but that he is good at what he does. I think he is very untrustworthy for his stories, but that makes me really love him. His girlfriend plays a large role in his life. He loves her almost as much as his "dangerous" lifestyle and is obsessed with bringing out her primal, animalistic spirit. He immediately feels guilty after he reaction to his efforts backfire. It almost seems like he was looking for confirmation that he was heroic or interesting since he was a thief. She reacted in a way that did not support that and he felt sort of dumb. After the death of his sister and his spiral into depression, she turns the corner and becomes the type of person he always wanted her to be. At the point where she is "corrupted," our main character is not happy, but guilty that he has tainted someone like her.
I really liked the unreliability of the narrator. There was one point where he mentioned something about curb stomping someone. I definitely think that he was lying or exaggerating at best. I like how that made him. As usual, your imagery is really powerful. I liked especially when you were talking about the seed and the vine when it came to innocent girls.
One of the only things I would really suggest for this is to add more dialogue. The whole thing is being told, and I think there is something to be said about that. The voice is really made known in that. However, I think that the use of dialogue in certain instances would add to the weight of the story. For instance, when he brings the jacket to Jenny. That would be great dialogue. I definitely think you should still put more weight on the voice, though. Just add in some dialogue to keep it fresh and add to the intensity.
No comments:
Post a Comment