Response to "Perfect"

This story is about a girl who has decided to be extroverted and fun upon entering college, but really just seems sort of insane.  The conflict seems to be the fact that no one likes this girl.  Reading this story is like watching her life spiral downwards.  It's pretty painful and awesome. The narration of the story is told from the third person perspective.  You can tell that the narrator is biased towards the main character.  The interactions are really funny and interesting.  The main character has bad hygene and is over-eager to talk to guys.  She really hates other girls, especially her former best friend, Darcy.  By the end of the downward spiral of the story, the main character sees that she has been acting absolutely nuts and wants to go back to being her former self.  She invites Darcy over to patch things up.  This sounds like a classic college story of that one girl that goes crazy.

I think this is a great subject choice!  I really liked the awkward conversations that came from this story.  I especially liked how when people would walk away from the main character, she would assume they were jealous or to blown away by her natural beauty.  She couldn't accept that people were just weirded out by her.  I liked the small details you brought to the table such as how she is failing college, her inability to help others in her group because of talking and laughing, her talk with her concerned mother, etc.

I think this story is missing something.  I feel like the main character, although she is acting crazy and probably looks a bit gross, should have some other flaws.  In the story, people are avoiding her so much, and I don't feel like people are that cold.  I feel like some people would be polite and let her craziness slide just to avoid an awkward situation.  I would suggestion making her a rabid alcoholic, but not really mention it too much.  Just casually say something about her water bottle she filled with vodka because it helps her be more outgoing.  That would make it more tragic and believable to me.