Great story, Kody. I really liked your idea for this one. To me, this story seemed to surround the character Mark Nichols. Mark is a struggling father, who seems to be single. He receives a letter from the bank that says he and his family are being evicted and his house is being foreclosed. The conflict starts off strong on this first page. Mark wants to fix this problem, but it seems he is so deep into debt that the best way he can handle it is through ignoring it. He seems to be devout in raising his children in the right way, but he just can't figure out how to deal with this huge debt problem. Mark runs into a friend who suggests that he start dealing drugs. Mark is reluctant to agree at first, but in a moment of desperation, gives in to the idea.
I really liked the idea of this story. I think someone being pressured into illegal means of acquiring money because of the current job market is very believable and real. It was one of those stories with a good main character pushed into a bad situation. I loved your imagery, man. You have a knack for describing things in creative ways. "My eyes slogged through the lines, each letter hit my eye like a typewriter's hammer. The ink sank into my brain." That was a great line.
I do think there are some areas where this story could be made more complete. I wanted to know more about why he was struggling so much. Where is his wife in this? Is there a wife? Why doesn't his job pay enough? I also would like to see a bit more conflict with the drugs. Maybe he gets caught stealing or some shady deal goes doesn't end well. At the end of the story, I just didn't see a lot about how the character had changed.
Overall, I liked the story. I think with a bit more conflict it would make for a better read. This is a great start.
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