Adam, great story! To me, this story is about a young girl, Margaret, an orphan who is adopted by a mentally unstable woman named, Lucy. Once she is adopted she quickly finds out that Lucy is very paranoid of the outside world and unwilling to give her any amount of freedom. This brings about the desires of Margaret. She gets bored living with Lucy and wants to spend time with friends and think for herself. After meeting an exceptionally charming young man named Marcus. This adds to Margaret's wants. At the end of the story, Margaret changes by witnessing Marcus abuse a young woman that probably ended in death. Margaret begins to see the world like her mother Lucy.
I loved the way you made the wants and conflict rise throughout the story. The wants of Margaret seemed to go from wanting to be adopted, to wanting to have a more exciting life, to Marcus. It really developed the character. I initially thought the main conflict was going to involve only Lucy and Margaret, but you did a fantastic job cultivating the conflict. Marcus was immediately a trusting character and you flipped him around which was really cool. I really loved the part when Marcus is arguing and says, "You ought to show me your tongue right now, so I can crush it with a pair of bricks. That would shut you up." That is so violent! It really works in showing how messed up and wolf-like Marcus is. Also, that constant idea of wolves is good touch. The final sentence really brings the story together.
I would pay attention to the beginning of your story, however. It seems rushed. The actually events don't start until eight years later. I feel like the beginning should have some more detail and maybe focus more on how Margaret sees this happening. I did like, however, how you added Aunt Judy's perspective. I would think about adding specific details of Lucy that disturb Aunt Lucy, but don't give away her flaws immediately.
Awesome job, Adam. I really enjoyed reading this story. You nailed it!
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