Lauren's "New Coach"

I got the feeling this story was about a huge conflict that really happened.  The main character, Kaylee, is a passionate athlete, but with the new coach there seems to be some really great conflict.  The new coach is cut-throat and does not seem to have the same passion.  He's motives seem to focus on glory and not love of the sport.  This creates a certain tension between the protagonist, Kaylee, and the antagonist, the new coach.  By the end of the story, Kaylee decides to stick to her guns instead of putting up with such a corrupt twist on the sport she loves.  Lauren, I feel like you wanted to show this large contrast which is popular in sports but in a small circumstance.  To me, the new coach represents the heartless side of athletics, where as the other girls, particularly Kaylee, represent the heart. 

I think the idea of contrasting what sports is about is working.  There seems to be a conflict of that in the real world from the differences between college football and the NFL and the way a parent overreacts to a call at a little league baseball game.  The dialogue is definitely strong.  I definitely hear the coach's speech being full of arrogance without any work of my imagination.  You did a good job painting that. Also, the dialogue between the girls is very accurate to what I think they would sound like. 

I would offer some advice here, though.  There is very little action in the story and a lot of telling.  The first page and a half or so are very large summations of the new coach's background that have potential for a lot of detail.  That is hard because that would be so much information and could actually probably be a whole book.  I think a good way to tell the coach's background is to put it in the dialogue between the two friends.  That would be a cool addition to this story I think, and I also think you could do it judging from your other dialogue sections.  

I think this story has a lot of potential, but I believe that you can spice it up a lot with some dialogue and action and maybe cutting back on the information.