Response to "Deception"

Great job on this, Laurel.  To me, this story is about the failure of a marriage due to infidelity with a bit of action.  Marcy, the antagonist, is a middle aged wife of a dentist, Kevin.  She seems to really love Kevin and she gives him the benefit of the doubt on many different occasions.  However, Kevin is does not seem to enjoy the marriage anymore.  He works late often, and is generally sketchy.  By the end of the story, Marcy is in disbelief of her husband trying to murder her and being murdered by someone else.

I really liked the way you portrayed Marcy as a meek, unconditionally loving wife.  In the times when Kevin is acting shady, she yields to what he wants.  For instance, she sacrifices her want of a dog, lets Kevin go to the dental convention, etc.  Their conversations seemed very real.  The way Kevin would try to cover up his true intentions, and especially how he talked about how getting a dog was a bad idea, but the equipment was a good idea. Also I thought that minor character, Carol, was very real. She reminded me of the small town gossips that really exist in my hometown.

Despite how real these aspects were, I felt there was a lot lacking in the story concerning Marcy.  I didn't really see clearly what she wanted, and I couldn't tell how she changed at the end of the story.  Even though she is very meek, which I love, I feel like her reactions to Kevin would be a bit more bitter.  If you didn't want to go in that direction, I would suggest intensifying her insecurities.  Without working in these two directions, the story is left a little bland.  I would also suggest trying to establish the relationship between Marcy and Kevin earlier in the story.  I didn't find out how old they were or why Marcy was anxious until a few pages in.  I actually thought the two were in their early twenties for the first page and a half or so.

I really think this is a good idea.  It does seem to teeter on the edge of genre fiction, but I kinda dig mysteries/suspense.