Response to "As Big as Light"

Robert, awesome story.  This was about a guy named Dean trying to hold on to memories as an aging man.  He writes in his diary and starts with this story.  It is about this boy Adrian who is arguing with his father.  His father has become a drunk because of his wife's debilitating health.  Adrian decides to try and commit suicide, but Dean talks him down.  At the end of the story, Adrian has become somewhat of a man.

This is a great idea.  I like stories told from an elderly perspective.  It's cool how you showed us Dean's past life in the way an old guy would tell a story.  Dean already had a problem with forgetting and you added one part where he trailed off and had to remind himself what he was talking about.  The trail off was actually great because it told me more about Adrian and emphasized the fact Dean is old and forgetful.  I loved the writing in general.  There were so many lines that I'm jealous of like, "perplexed, I turned and padded my way forward, feeling very much like a muffled, ominous metronome."  I think you really have something going for you as far as that goes.


I didn't figure out that Adrian was trying to kill himself with the rope until way after the rope was mentioned.  I'm not sure if that was your intention or not, but I originally thought that he had was vandalizing the house or something.  I thought that the rope was holding something above the door and it was a way to get back at his father.  Also, when Adrian was telling Dean about the lights on the house he mentions the more he would back up the bigger he would get.  If he was backing up towards the light, he would actually get smaller.

Response to "Dreams and Reality"

This is a story about Luke, a boy with a dream.  Working on the dairy farm with his father was not the life he wanted.  He felt like there had to be more to his life.  He wanted to make his own way.  He felt that his calling, was to be a baseball star.  His father took him out of the game, however.  He did not approve of Luke's ambition.  Luke was not one to give up however.  He started saving money in his shoebox for Mississippi State.  When he got there he found out he was no good and returned to his family.  Turns out his father had a check and a plane ticket sitting on deck for him.

This story was really a home run.  I liked the struggle between father and son.  Family commitment and personal dreams.  You have to go after your dreams.  That's why I like Luke so much.  He was never afraid to steal the base, even when he didn't get a signal from the coach.  The end of the story was great too.  I was expecting it to be a shutout with Luke getting what he wanted.  But he failed, and realized that his position was in right field with his family's farm.

There were a few things I didn't like about it though.  It mainly stemmed from the fact that it was such a quick story.  I think the lack of depth in the character of Eric was a failed sacrifice bunt. I wanted to know more about him.  You could show him cheering Luke on more, as opposed to his father.  I also wanted to see the father's heartache after Luke left the home team of his family.  That is a great conflict that you can work with more.  I think it would be a strikeout if you dropped this story, but if you polish it up, I know it will be the most valuable story.

Response to "Aveux"

This story is about a guy named Vince who is dealing with a lot of issues.  His wife committed suicide years before, and he was so torn up, he could only confide in the love he had for his daughter and his dog, Shadow.  He eventually started having an affair with a lady named Erica.  He explains to her that he doesn't believe God cares about him or anything.  God and love are fairy tales. Erica eventually commits suicide and Vince is arrested for it.  He goes to jail, gets out, and writes a self help book. The daughter points out that his book is contradictory to the Bible.  After feeling guilty, he suggests they move and start over, leaving his aged dog behind.  He then realizes that God is faithful to show his love to us.

I liked the idea of this story.  I think it was cool that he was framed for a murder that was really a suicide that resulted from his insecurities and insensitivity.  I think his secludedness and apathy were believable considering all the trouble he went through.  I think the dialogue really pushed the story along without being too obvious.

I think this story was a little bit too busy though.  There was so many things that happened, but they were summed up so it was hard to see the conflict. I think your story would be better if you focused on one or two of the things that happen.  If it were me, I would start the story with him getting out of jail and deciding to write his self help novel.  Then, focus on the conflict with the church, his daughter, and the praise from the media.  The fact is, all the details you have are the makings of a full novel, not a short story.

Response to "Casting Shadows"

This story is a about a girl who has died and is in a world called, Sanctuary.  A lot of the beginning of the story is her figuring out who she is and where she is.  From what I read, it seems like she always wanted a  life in which she could make her own choices (she was 16).  When she got into Sanctuary she realized that she was the subject of a conspiracy run by the guy that killed her, Kain.  I wasn't too clear what the conspiracy was about.  She gets freaked out and runs away from sanctuary. The main character realized that she wanted a normal life, but was being pursued.  She ends up trying to kill her trainer Kage, and then kills herself, and the story ends.

Even though your story is unconventional, it did grasp my attention.  It reminded me a bit of the movie "Wrist Cutters." I liked the idea of exploring the afterlife and how there are troubles just like in regular life.  I like the way you brought her into the new world and described the world she was in.

The extreme detail of the story really confused me and lost my attention.  I couldn't understand what the conspiracy was, what the training was for, etc.  I feel like you could get rid of a lot of the details like her bedroom, her training, etc. You should focus more on the actual conflict of the story.  I think that the subject matter in general might have fallen under the category of genre-fiction. I only say that because a lot of the subject matter was over my head.  I still like your idea.  Just make it a little more accessible to a large audience of readers. On a smaller note, I don't really like your random interjections like, "great," "yippe," "oh well," etc.  Also. there are a lot of places, specifically compound sentences, in your story that need commas.

Response to "Whatever Gods May Be"

Cool story, Kody!  This was a story about a guy named Thomas who became a pastor, but through reading certain passages in the Bible, ended up questioning his faith.  The desires of the character are a littler unclear until he reads the passage about Abraham which is the verse that shakes his faith.  He seems to want to resolve this crisis so he can go about his life but doesn't do much to pursue the resolve.  The conflict is obviously his crisis of faith.  At the end of the story, he resigns from his position after talking to his wife and coming up with no belief.  He doesn't seem to want to lie to himself about what he does and does not believe.  I think this story is trying to convey the idea that some people don't believe simply because they just can't force themselves to.  It must be natural and in Thomas' case, it was not natural. 

I like the subject matter.  The crisis of faith tends to be a popular subject in each person's life and in conversations (or debates).  I think the fact that you use a preacher as the main character is a good choice. Preachers do lose their faith and the conflict is larger since you made his profession directly tied with Christianity. 

To me, the main problems with this story are the lack of depth in character and scenes.  I feel like the relationship between Thomas and his wife was overly-perfect.  A lot of this came from the shallowness of the wife I think.  When Thomas was thinking about changing careers, she didn't object at all.  When he confronted her with his new disbelief in Christianity and the Bible she said, "Everything I believe comes from you." She kind of seems like a bland sidekick.  These scenes are good opportunities for conflict and deepening the character of Bethany.  I also think the part where she tells Thomas about her pregnancy went to smoothly and too fast.  The fact that they had money problems should have brought forth some tension.  Other than this stuff, I think you've got a lot of good stuff to work with. 

Response to "Once in a Lifetime"

This is a beautiful story by Jhumpa Lahiri. The main character of this story is a young girl named Hema.  When the story begins she is six years old, but most of the story takes place when she is around thirteen.  The story is told in first person, but she is addressing one of the other characters in the story, named Kaushik.  When she is six and Kaushik is nine, her family throws Kaushik's family a going away party.  They move back to India from Cambridge.  But after about seven or eight years, Kaushik's family moves back and stays with Hema's family.  They seem to be very American and materialistic.  They don't have very good manners, especially compared to the very traditional habits of Hema's family.  Kaushik in particular seems to be very distant and ungrateful for the hospitality he is shown.  The whole conflict of the story seems to be trying to understand why he acts that way and what will happen to the growing tension between the families.  When it snows at the house, Kaushik shows some happiness and opens up to Hema a bit.  He reveals to her that his mother is dying of breast cancer, and that is why they moved back and she is living sort of like royalty.  Hema is terrified that a dying person is living in her house.  She is not used to the idea of death.  I believe this new knowledge of death is a farewell to the shelter of her childhood.

I get the idea that the narrator never talked to Kaushik again.  I think that the fact that she address him in the story is a very interesting method to use.  Kaushik's mother's cancer was a secret and Hema always kept the secret.  If she were to tell this story in any other fashion she would be breaking her promise to keep it secret.

The was no particular desire of the main character, except to gain the affections of Kaushik which I think was weak, but it worked with all the conflict going on.  I liked how she didn't reveal much about it except what the parents talked about at night.  When you're young you don't really know the details of the drama that goes on with your parents unless you catch glimpses of it like that.

Response to "meow"

Another great story, Cary. This story is about a kid named Cyril. He seems like he is slightly mentally disabled or just absolutely socially awkward in the most intense way.  The story starts as he is in some girls apartment reading her journal.  He is caught and quickly escorted out by her roommate.  He then makes his way over to Captain D's where two of his only friends are, Earl and Jimmy-cat.  After hanging out with Earl for a bit they decide to feed Jimmy-cat some fish like they usually do.  When Cyril goes to find Jimmy-cat in the dumpster area, he sees a very graphic scene. At first, it seemed to me like the cat was dead, but she had really had kittens. 

Cary, you have a lot of things going for you in this story. The character Cyril is really interesting to me. I like how awkward and kind of creepy he is.  I can tell that he has a good heart but is slightly unstable at the same time.  I like his modest interactions with people and his simple way of thinking.  The scenes in this story are really cool too.  How he breaks in to a girl's apartment to chill in her bedroom and how he finds his stray/pet cat having kittens and not really understanding it at first. 

I don't really understand how these two scenes connect. Cyril doesn't seem to have any motives in the story and just floats through. Although the scenes that you wrote are really interesting and cool, I didn't find any meaning in them. But I know you're great writer though and there's something there. I think you should just try and develop it and show it more. I would also look back on some of the dialogue. It felt a little cliche in certain places or maybe unnatural. For instance, when Cyril is talking to Earl and asks him why he smokes.  Earl's response seemed really cliche for some reason. Also, I would think of a different name.  I think "Meow" works, but I think you could come up with something better.  Other than that, I really think you've got some good ideas to work with.